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# Date is a four letter word

A friend's (unedited) FB update: Dude I was seeing decided he wasn't really ready for dating after a month and a half then why did you keep wanting to date me ugh. I hate dating it's always a shit show I will be forever alone with my cat.

Over the years, I've heard many hilarious and many sad dating stories. One dear friend, Allison, who has now found a really great guy, just seemed to attract the weirdos.

One memorable date was with a guy, who we now call hashtag man. This is a re-imagining of what their conversation would have sounded like:

Her: So, shall we grab something to eat?

Him: Yes (THEN says out loud while making the hashtag sign with his fingers). Hashtag famished - Hashtag - could eat a horse.

Her: Um...OK...any suggestions?

Him: Somewhere simple. Hashtag - only first date. Hashtag - don't order the lobster.

Her: OK but I'd like to go somewhere with some good veggie choices.

Him: OK. Hashtag - healthy. Hashtag - Am I dating a vegan?

Her: Hashtag - I'm out of here.

Wow. When she told me this, I was so happy to be out of the dating pool, where little freaky fish like him swam around.

Then there was the guy who spoke in the third person. So that same conversation would go like this:

Her: So, shall we grab something to eat?

Him: Yes, Jerome hungry!

Her: Um...OK...any suggestions?

Him: Somewhere simple. Jerome loves burgers.

Her: OK but I also need a place where they have veggie choices.

Him: Jerome sad!

Her: Allison is out of here.

So I feel for my friend and her woes about ending up alone with her cat. Because after you subtract the married men, those committed (however you want to think of that), the homosexual men and the relationship phobic, it can be slim pickings.

It's like finding a real ruby in a field piled with fake jewels. It can be done, but you have to discern the BS from the real. And you have to have a lot of patience. And friends that let you vent so that you don't lose your mind.

Hashtag - His loss not yours.

Hashtag - Don't give up. He's out there.

Hashtag - I too had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my FROG.

Pretty soon it will be, whiskers worried!